Dear teenage me

Dear teenage me, your looks don’t mean anything, you’re going to change one day into the person you’re meant to be. 

Dear teenage me, your mum doesn’t hate you she just wishes you’d listen and not do things that will make you look bad. 

Dear teenage me, jealousy definitely is a green eyed monster in disguise and you need to know that your friends are not your enemies.

Dear teenage me, that boy who you liked and who made fun of how you looked now looks just as bad as the 2011 version of you (not cute).

Dear teenage me, the world isn’t as bad as you think, you’ll learn to live with the good and bad. 

Dear teenage me, maths class isn’t going to be a worry, trust me, uni is a whole new ball game where you don’t even see the ball. 

Dear teenage me, working at your dads dairy seems so draining and I know you feel like you’re wasting your days away saying “thank you $1.50” but you’ll learn so much and you’ll be grateful for the small experiences you encountered and one day you might even miss that little old dairy that you used to be so embarrassed of. 

Dear teenage me, I know you’re sad and tired of living in a small town and I know you’re dreaming of a big city where you know you’ll meet your true love, New York City. Trust me that day will happen. 

Dear teenage me, your college friends won’t be your friends forever, their opinions of you may seem like the most important thing ever but it really shouldn’t  matter what they think because your new friends are waiting to meet you in Auckland (in a biosci 101 lecture 😉 ). 

Dear teenage me, I know you go on msn every night in the hopes your “crush” will message you, trust me, that ain’t no crush, that ain’t even a friend honey boo. 

Dear teenage me, those girls at college that walked around acting like they were the Paris hiltons of 2012, who bullied you, yeah most of them are going to be pasty white drop outs who live off their parents. Don’t let them make you feel like you’re nothing. 

Dear teenage me, you feel like your parents don’t let you leave the house without them and you feel like they baby you, well believe it or not one day you won’t be able to see them everyday, you won’t be able to eat mums home made meals, you won’t be able to hear your dads van drive down the road and you’ll miss them…a lot. 

Dear teenage me, you’re worried about a boy that doesn’t like you back. You feel like you’d rather die than never speak to him again. Well you don’t talk to him and hey, you’re still alive! Look at that! 

Dear teenage me, I know you’re worried about uni, but don’t worry you’re going to be alright, you’ll change majors not once and you’ll learn things the hard way but you will be fine. 

Dear teenage me, I know you go on the treadmill everyday after school to show your family members and the boy who made fun of you that you can change and that your beauty doesn’t just exsist around your waistline. 

Dear teenage me, one day you’re going to fall in love with new things,some that you never even really knew existed, such as marine life (orcas) and environmental issues, real housewives of Beverly Hills (lol) and Tamil songs. (There’s a longer list but I can’t be arsed to write anymore 😉 ) 

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Irrational fear

When I’m  lying in bed with all the lights off and all I can hear are the cars going  silently across the road outside my window, that’s when the fear kicks in. No, I’m not scared of the dark and no, I’m not scared of the sound of tyres screeching across gravel..I’m scared of my endless and limitless thoughts about life and most importantly about death. Whenever I read a news article about someone unintentionally passing away or when someone commits suicide it makes my heart and eyes sweat. I’m a strong believer in “everything happens for a reason” and “karma”, but does this apply to death? What I mean is, if everything happens for a reason and if someone is killed then does that mean it was their time to go, was it meant to happen to them? Are you confused? Because I am. For the last couple weeks I get really anxious and fearful when I’m driving or being a passenger or even when I’m walking and there are cars passing me, weird, I know but just the thought of being in a car crash and dying makes me want  to crawl into bed and never leave.

The definition of death according to Wikipedia: “Death is the cessation of all biological functions that sustain a living organism”. The word death itself sounds so abrupt and cold. In today’s world we all throw this word around like a bag of crips “oh..this workout will be the reason of my death”, “this assignment is going to be the death of me” etc etc etc, ya get the gist of it yeah?

Everytime I leave my room in the morning to go to uni or work I always just stand outside my door and just look at my unmade bed and clothes on my floor and wonder in silence ” if I were to die today, my family would come to my mess of a room and that would be my last belongings to them”. Or even when I take weird pictures on my phone I wonder who will see them when I die, hella weird and creepy I know, but I know I can’t be the only one who thinks like this.

I feel like each day my fear grows and I have no idea how to control it. I try to be one of those optimistic, full of life people by telling myself “live each day as if it were your last, life’s too short to worry about every little thing” but I am and never will be able to be one of those people even if I try.  With everything happening in our world and all the extra stress we all carry on our shoulders whether it be stress from uni, work or family/friends it makes “live like it’s your last day” almost impossible. If we were to live like that then we would all be careless and happy.

Anyway I don’t know were I was heading with this post, just in one of those moody moods were everything seems to be some shade of grey 🙂

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My obsession with whales

In 2013 I stumbled across this YouTube video that highlighted a “viscous killer whale” attack on a trainer, Dawn Bracheau. My first thought wasn’t sympathy for the trainer it was sympathy for the whale. I mean, if you put any animal in a pool that is obviously too small and constraining for it…its eventually gonna lose its mind a little and lash out and unfortunately in this case it lashed out at a trainer. Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a lover of all animals, when I was little I wished I could be eliza from the wild thornberrys just so I could read the minds of animals. What a loser, I know.

When I was around 6 years old I remember going to Napier and visiting this dolphin park. It was hella strange. I remember it oh so faintly but one thing that stuck with me was watching one of my cousins swimming with a dolphin, laughing and flying though the water as this dolphin carried her was “I’m sure if she was in the ocean instead of a pool with this trained and captive Dolphin, I don’t think she would be laughing and enjoying herself this much”.

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Going back to 2013 though, everyday after uni I would go back to my dorm room and instead of going over notes for the day, I would watch videos of whales, I would read about them, I would listen to the different sounds they made to communicate  with their pods. I mean I was all in. One thing these majestic whales have in common with us humans is their attachment to their family and they keep this attachment strong and secure through their ability to communicate with each other using methods such as clicks, whistles and pulses. This was so interesting to me and it absolutely broke my heart when I came across a video of a mother whale (captive at SeaWorld Orlando) that was separated from her calf, her baby..and was crying and calling for her on months on end. Only because her baby was “disruptive” and “challenging” when the shows were on, so the higher officials at SeaWorld Orlando agreed to send the baby whale to a different park. So basically, they separated the mother whale from the baby whale just so their shows would run smoothly. I mean what the heck…people are actually paying to watch this shit? In the video it showed the mother whale staying in the corner of the pool, just staying there and shaking and screeching and crying. From that day on, I have always stood against SeaWorld and everything they do in the name of entertainment. Here is the link for that video:

https://youtu.be/SszgIZOPfqo

The purpose behind this post is to remind myself to stand up for these animals. I could care less if anybody reads this or not, but to know that what I’m feeling and thinking is being put into words and that I can look back at this and reflect is all that matters. I’m currently lying in bed watching The Cove for the 30th time. If any of you haven’t seen this documentary/film then…A) you’re probably  retarded, B) you’ve probably been living under a rock for the past 8 years or C) you’re probably just….f****** retarded. But seriously this documentary highlights everything wrong in the fishing industry, especially in countries like Japan.   A lack of education to the public about what they’re eating (dolphins are apparently high carriers of mercury, and basically if you eat a lot of toxic dolphin meat,chances are you and/or your offspring ain’t gon be so happy when you have to pay for a wheelchair and disability school) and for the fishermen to think that killing dolphins is ‘pest control’ is actually ridiculous.

Last night I stayed up till 2am watching The cove and Blackfish, and one thing I learnt is that these animals deserve much better. I agree, if we were to release the captive animals back into the ocean, the chances of them surviving, re-learning how to hunt and reconnecting with their pods is a big ask and many would not succeed. However, if we stopped going to these money making amusement parks and stopped paying to watch whales dance in pools then slowly but eventually these parks will close down. It really pisses me off when these parks use words like “care” and “conservation” when all they’re really trying to say is “CAPTIVITY” in a less threatening way.

 

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Things I hate about you based off your Star Sign

I have friends in every zodiac sign and I love you all! This is just a joke and something to not take seriously! 

ARIES: 

The world isn’t your servant, get over yourself you melodramatic, moody and hella judgmental loner. You think you can lash out at anyone who doesn’t do what you say or ask…but that’s how life works honey boo, you don’t always get your way. You think you’re so much better than everybody else (which is kinda true) but you don’t have to look down on us like we’re peasants. Ugh this sign can be really talkative over social media but in real life they probably won’t talk to you as much. You Aries people are so in love with yourself and if you ever get into a fight with someone you’ll never admit you’re wrong. Pretty much, if you’re opinionated..an Aries will hate you because you’re wrong and they’re right (in their minds atleast!). 

TAURUS:

You guys really gets on my tits. This sign can make you feel like shit, they act like they have the only opinion that matters.  Theres stubborn and then there’s a Taurus. You know those bratty annoying 6 year olds that you see crying in the barbie aisle at the stores..yep that’s what you Taurus people are like..well that’s what you remind me of anyway. You tauruses don’t know how to hold a conversation when you’re bored, that’s like a basic social skill that everybody knows…except you. All you guys care about is soft desserts and your outfits.

GEMINI: 

Can you guys just shut the f*** up, like seriously you’re not a celebrity and no one really likes you anyway. You’re just hella loud and obnoxious and you always need to add your 10 cents to every conversation. You guys have 3573 different personalities. You know that new movie coming out “SPLIT” yeah that’s probably written by a Gemini. You guys are so manipulative and everything bad that happens to you is probably your own fault so stop acting like you’re perfect. You guys are such big liars. You guys cheat your way through life and somehow end up getting all the credit for something you never really do. You guys always feel like you need to look good all the time, like who the hell are you even trying to impress…oh wait…yourselves. Gotcha. 

CANCER:

okay, any cancers reading this..grab some tissues before you start crying about how mean this is and how mean your parents are and how tough your life is. I can go ham on this sign because you’re just so easy. You just let everybody use you and then when they’re done with you and your friendship (which you probably screwed up) you act like you’re the victim. Also, just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean you get to hoe around. Cancer girls are literally one of the biggest hoes I know (I mean you do you honey boo, bigger da hoop bigger da hoe) but seriously you guys just need to chill the f*** out. Oh and stop with the whole “my life is so hard”, “why does this always happen to me”..ill tell you right now why it always happens to you, its because you’re weak and you don’t know how to say no to the people who you think love you. 

LEO: 

Go take another selfie and cry about how your crush didn’t like your Instagram photo or how they only watched half of your snapchat story. You guys are so vain and self absorbed to the point it’s painful to be around you. If you’re gonna be near a Leo be prepared to listen, don’t even breathe just listen. I mean if you don’t breathe you’ll end up dead right? And that sounds better than having to be around a self obsessed Leo. You guys may have the most friends but deep down we all know how lonely you are. You guys will do almost anything to be the center of attention. The guys under this sign need to chill out, go punch another wall  and drink another million bottles of gin while you’re at it. 

VIRGO: 

If you tell me one more time that I have too many split ends or that my outfit makes me look fob and ugly or that I need to lose weight or I need to make my bed properly or if I should really change my bedsheets every week or if I should watch cartoons and watch anime then go f*** yourself. I mean there’s only so much criticism one can take. You guys love dishing out the flaws in other people but have you even looked at yourself? Your a bigger mess than me mate. Yeah you guys are beautiful and yeah you guys are smart but that doesn’t mean we aren’t. You guys just think you’re above everybody and that your way is the right way. Well listen up buddy wink, your way is leading me straight to bed because I’d rather be sleeping than be surrounded by you and your organised & boring life. 

LIBRA: 

You guys just cannot stand to see someone do better than you, I mean it’s called being happy for someone else’s success. You guys are the copy cats the ones who want to be noticed but never really do…that’s because you guys are so bloody desperate for attention to the point it looks sad and pathetic. You Libras can be pretty rude too, if you don’t like someone you don’t have to tell them by the expression on your face. Just do what Scorpios do and smile to their faces and then talk behind their backs. Y’all are so materialistic too, and you can never save your money because you’re so weak and useless (lol me). 

SCORPIO: 

If I die after this..it’s because a Scorpio read this and murdered me. You guys are the pure definition of evil. You guys literally make me so pissed off. Always thinking about money, money and money. You scorpios have the loudest mouths and the biggest opinions. You think you have a lot of friends but in reality you don’t have much and the ones you do have are either hanging around with you because they’re intimidated by you. You guys should be called snakes instead of scorpios. Oh and can you stop being so bitchy and rude to people. You’re not the boss and you’re definitely not telling me what I should and should not be doing unless you really are my boss at work or something then it’s cool and we’re  Gucci but still f*** you.

 

SAGGITARIUS:

I REALLY  don’t like you guys. Everything  has to be about you and if it’s not.. you just zone out and give zero f***s..but I’m sorry that’s not how friendship works you have to take some and you have to give some, but with you guys it’s always take take take. How about you take a travel bag and f*** off to America or Antarctica.. The two perfect places for people with stone cold hearts. You guys think you’re cool but really..everybody feels sorry for you, I mean you might have been popular at school but seriously look at you now..you’re a lonely depressed loser that only stays relevant through commenting on friends profile pictures.  I mean..there’s not much I can say about you guys because everything you do annoys me so yeah go f*** yourself. 

CAPRICORN: 

You all get so worked  up over the most smallest things. You think you’re the most hardworking person in the world but you’re not. Yeah you do a lot but so do others!  You guys are hella boring and you always need to be on the top or build your way up. It’s hard for me to hate you guys because you guys beat me to it, you’re always hard on yourself. You guys are messed up, I mean when you’re young you act like you’re old and when you’re old you act like you’re young..like no Barbara you can’t pull off an off the shoulder dress at 73.   You guys are shady AF and you guys are stuck in routine, you do the same damn thing everyday. 

AQUARIUS: 

You guys think you’re so special and you end up loving people who don’t love you back and you kinda just drop the ball on the people who actually do  love you. You guys are really insecure and any compliment you get goes straight to your head. You don’t really have many friends and most people think you’re a liar. You’re just a scared person who ends up hurting people who try to get close to you. I mean you’re so aloof to the point it hurts. Writing about you is hurting my brain.

PISCES: 

This sign is boring and annoying and should go cry and listen to some music. I’m done. 

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Being brown

In world where people like Donald trump live, I’m glad to be tucked away in small New Zealand..don’t get me wrong we also have our fair share of wackos and racists but in my personal experience not much has happened (touch wood). Growing up in a traditional Indian family I was always told to be quiet and not cause any trouble. If I was in public I wouldn’t draw any attention to myself. I was reading an article the other day about a lady who was walking in a fairly busy mall in America and she was just doing her regular shopping, pretty much minding her own business and this man approached her and shoved her to the ground. What did she do wrong? All this because….she was a Muslim wearing a hijab. It infuriates me so much, I could talk about this all day. I’m not even Muslim and I’m getting mad, I can only imagine how these people feel. Ok, so before I go on and rant about racism I gotta admit I’m a lil racist too, but I’m Indian so it doesn’t count…right? Haha but jokes aside in school when I would hear the words “curry muncher” it really wouldn’t bother me, in fact I’d find it a little funny…like I’m Indian of course Im gonna munch on curry you twat…if I had the courage I have today I would’ve replied to that bully with ” yeah thanks for that you Bunnings sausage muncher”.Growing up in a country where most of my childhood friends were white I always stood out, like a fly in milk. I rememeber one time when being brown played to my advantage, I was at a supermarket, and you know those self serve nuts, dried fruit and lollies  area, well me being me, decided to add them all into the same bag when it clearly said to add different items into different bags. I got to the counter and the lady said “I’m sorry but these are meant to be in different bags because they have different numbers and prices” I replied back (with a strong fake indian accent) “I’m sorry ma’am me not from New Zealand I had no idea”….and I got away with it. Anyway I can’t be arsed to finish this so bye 

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What I think of you based off your Star Sign

This is my opinion, have a laugh hitler 

ARIES:

These people are the ones you want on your team. They are one of the most hard working people. If there’s a job that needs to be finished, rest assured the Aries will do it. However people born between March 21st-April 19th can tend to be quite bossy and short tempered. These people don’t like to ask for help and when they do receive it they will take it and then complain about it later. Since the Aries is a fire sign they are  naturally brave and rarely afraid of trial and risk. If I had to describe an Aries in 2 words they would be : bossy & active 

TAURUS:

Known as the bull, these guys have a bad reputation for being “lazy” but we all know that’s far from the truth….or is it.Born between April 20th- May 20th these guys are one of the most reliable and conservative people. They are strong headed and once they say no, it means no. They make excellent workers and great friends, because they are always there, no matter what. They are ruled by Venus, the planet of luuuuurrrve, attraction, beauty and creativity. Thus, Taurus can be an excellent cook, entertainer and artist. However, they can sometimes be too much into themselves! Saying that though,they are loyal and don’t  like sudden and unwanted changes. If I had to describe a Taurus in 2 words they would be: Practical & Beautiful

GEMINI: 

Where do I start with a Gemini, majority of my friends are Geminis and these people speak their mind, even though it’s going all over the place. Known as one of the most stylish people these guys have a bad reputation of being self absorbed and bipolar AF. Born between May 21-June 20th these people can be extremely sociable,communicative and ready for fun, while on the other hand they can be very serious, thoughtful, restless and even indecisive..did I mention they’re bipolar.
Being an air sign, Gemini is concerned with all aspects of the mind. This zodiac sign is ruled by Mercury, which is a planet that represents communication. They are known to have a love hate relationship with things such as hobbies. They could be all about one thing one second and the next day they could be over it. If I had to describe this sign in 2 words I would say: Stylish & Talkative 

 

CANCER:   

Every time I think of a cancer girl I think of  her relationship with her mother. The girls born under cancer always tend to have some difficult relationships with their mothers. Whereas the guys are known to me mummys boys. These guys are all about family. They dream of building a house with their partner. However this sign is known as the “hoe” sign. Saying that however they are the most caring and sensitive. They tend to get attached to people who give them attention. These guys are blunt and honest when it is needed. In a crowded room they will make the effort to acknowledge everybody…Unless they hate you that is! Born between June 21st-July 22nd. If I had to use 2 words to describe a cancer it would be: manipulative & sympathetic 

LEO:

Ahhhh the mighty Leo. One of the best star signs and one of the best people. With their high energy and ability to make friends these are the people you need in your life! Born between July 23rd-August 22nd. Ruled by the Sun, the Leo worships the Sun in all its forms which is also a metaphorical expression of the state of the leos ego. This can be good, because Leos can easily search for what they need. But, on the other hand it lead to be problematic when Leos ignore the problems and needs of others in order to fulfill their own desires. These guys love compliments! If you know a Leo send them a cheeky compliment, they will love you for this! Leo girls are all about that selfie life and Leo guys can tend to go down the wrong path (eg- alcoholics & gambling) however most of these guys are good and are family peeps. 2 words I would use to describe a Leo would be: Life of the party (okay that was 4!)

VIRGO:  

The perfectionist. The clean freaks and the OCD peeps. These guys are the type of people who will wear gloves while toasting their bread (bad joke). Born between August 23rd-September 22nd they are an earth sign. They are known to be critical and analytical and extremely hardworking. They prefer conservative and organized things. People born under the Virgo sign have very organized life, and even if they are very messy, their goals and dreams are put on strictly defined points in their mind which they never forget. If you need a personal trainer, a Virgo will keep you in line! 2 words I would use to describe a Virgo would be: worrier & kind 

 

LIBRA

These guys are indecisive and witty. You can always turn to a libra to make you laugh. This sign adapts to you, they can make friends with almost anyone as they need to feel the sense of being liked. Born between September 23rd- October 22nd. These guys are diplomatic, fair minded and social however can hold a grudge for years and can be quite jealous. Partnership is very important for a Libra, and with their victorious mentality and cooperation, they cannot stand to be alone. The Libra is an Air sign, with expressed intellect and a keen mind. They can be inspired by good books, insurmountable discussions and interesting people. 2 words to describe a libra: people pleaser 

SCORPIO

 Snakes, jealousy and money minded are the few words that come to mind when I think of scorpios. However this stereotype that scorpios have adopted does not give this sign any justice. Born between October 23rd-November 21st they are excellent leaders because they are very dedicated to what they do. Scorpios hate dishonesty and they can be very jealous and suspicious, so they need to learn how to adapt more easily to different human behaviors. Scorpios are brave and therefore they have a lot of friends. Everybody needs a Scorpio friend. These guys are loyal to the bone and will fight any battle for you! 2 words to describe a Scorpio: mysterious & passionate 

SAGGITARIUS

Where do I begin with a saggitarius. One of the most self absorbed people. The saying “it’s all about me” was probably written by a saggitarius. Born between November 22nd-December 21 this sign promises to deliver more than they can and are pretty impatient and will say anything no matter how undiplomatic. Saying this, they can be  quite generous. The sagittarius is one of the biggest travelers among all zodiac signs. You could place them in any country and they will learn to explore that country to the core! Their open mind and philosophical view motivates them to wander around the world in search of the meaning of life.A sagittarius is someone who is an extrovert, optimistic and enthusiastic, and enjoys changes. A saggitarians biggest fear is probably being stuck in a boring routine for the rest of their lives. 2 words to describe this sign are: flirts & intelligent 

CAPRICORN

The people born under this sign are known to be prone to depression. They are however loyal friends and one of the least judgemental signs. They will love you for you no matter what you look like! Born between December 22nd-January 19th these people value family. The Capricorn is practical and is considered to be the most serious sign of the zodiac, who possess an independence that enables significant progress both on the personal level and in business. As an Earth sign, for a Capricorn there is nothing more important in life than family and friends. 2 words to describe this sign are: condescending & responsible 

AQUARIUS

Aquarius-born are shy and quiet , but on the other hand they can be eccentric and energetic. However, in both cases, they are deep thinkers and highly intellectual people who love helping others. They are able to see without prejudice, on both sides, which makes them people who can easily solve problems. Although they can easily adapt to the energy that surrounds them, Aquarius-born have a deep need to spend some time alone and away from everything and everyone. Born between January 30th-February 18th this sign is an air sign and can be very aloof. They feel good in a group or a community setting, so they constantly strive to be surrounded by other people. 2 words I would use to describe this sign would be: humanitarian & temperamental  

PISCES

Pisces is a Water sign and as such this zodiac sign is characterized by empathy and expressed emotional capacity.
Their ruling planet is Neptune, so Pisces are more intuitive than others and have an artistic talent. Neptune is connected to music, so Pisces reveal music preferences in the earliest stages of life. They are generous, compassionate and extremely faithful and caring. Born between February 19th-March 20th these people have an intuitive understanding of the life cycle and thus achieve the best emotional relationship with other beings. This sign is kinda boring tbh (no offence!)

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